I don’t think I can write big big words and express deep deep feelings at this juncture.. what after masters? job/phd/mba? decision has been made by me. but is it correct or not only time will tell…
whatever decision u take.. it will never be OPTIMAL… others move always looks better.. and you always end up appearing like a loser… luck seem to be never playing for u.. disappointments stare at your face.. things would never work out for u.. u plan do X but end up forcibly doing Y.
How should I start thinking? should I change my entire framework of thinking itself just bcoz am growing towards greater responsibilities!? Ya! some of us cursed/blessed to be born in an environment which might sometimes look easier to others…so what? am not begging for sympathies/empathies.. but don’t scorn or shake your head and say… “oh man this guy/gal should have been like Z(a model) but she is like Eta.. So there is a deviation of behavior indices vary by so much degree.. so I need to like/hate bcoz in the scale of 1 to 10.. the difference is some ‘k’ value”.. blah blah.. Is this is what all of us are feared of?
Should one be fearless then? Why should one be fearful and disciplined? People like orderliness? People like it when there predicting models match with your behavior models! If it doesn’t .. then u will be RATED/STARRED/LIKED/COMMENTED…!
Experienced/respectful people say that TIME/AGE teaches you everything.. I tend to agree to that.. but.. I feel the whole time you end up seeing yourself UN-RAVELLING.. just like a .gz file starts to get decompressed!! Alas.. WE don’t know about ourselves!!!
Why do we start strongly LIKING/DISLIKING some person!!! I believe there’s something in the framework which binds you to that person’s framework!!! The whole game of life is to play around with this hide and seek!!!! You gain more from being subtle.. if you are upfront and tell what you feel.. the returns get lowered.. so deliberation comes into picture… u play around.. bring in lot of your previous success baits and map it onto that person whom you like it for some condition until that person yields to your dubious or otherwise schemes!! otherwise.. u try harder.. your mind will trick you and put you into a WHILE(1){ if(SUCCESS!=tryHarder()){SOP(“put in more time and tension on this task”);}}… if you are not getting what I mean.. watch Inception..
I have been lucky at many points to escape this mindless, heartless INFINITE Loops.. which I would have got into on most of the occasions but never being wanting to get into that in the first place..
One thing I have observed in life.. you should be able to find yourself only when you do certain things which you never did before.. which you were never comfortable.. to understand yourself in a better way…
Have you ever got dreams when in sleep.. which u knew for sure is repeating after so many years? did any of your recent experiences made your body to dream about such things!?
Is dreaming a way of reminding you WHAT YOU HAD SNOOZED LONG BACK? what an interesting thing called as life! Past.. Part.. Psst.. all are an integral part of one’s life!
Makes me wonder if the future and past are circular?!
will continue later..
